Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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