Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
