Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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