Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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