im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
