This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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