At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
