they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
