Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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