If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
