I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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