tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
