That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
