a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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