you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
