Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
