Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
