Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
