I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
