Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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