I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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