i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
