Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
