After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
