Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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