im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
