I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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