you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
