Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
