I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
