I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
