My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
These tits shall not be calmed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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