bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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