I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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