All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
