you didnt know i had herpes?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
