Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
