i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
