You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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