ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
