Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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