You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
