if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
