please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
