Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
