I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
