You smell like stripper and shame
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
