You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
