My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
