I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
